Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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