Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
