so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
