I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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