when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
