I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
