"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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