I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
