i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
well you can't waste a boner
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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