My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
