You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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