Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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