she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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