Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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