Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You are the jesus of drinking
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
