Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
