i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
