but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
