I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
