did you get engaged???
I faked an abortion last night.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
