i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
