She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
