You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
