Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
