I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
