so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
