just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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