Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
