Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
