Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
