roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
