The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize