Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
