At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
