Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
