The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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