and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
