yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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