The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
