Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
