I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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