giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
