is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
