Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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