remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Princesses don't give blow jobs
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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