I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
the night ended with taco bell and tears
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
