I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
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He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
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Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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