Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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