i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
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No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
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It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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