Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
