If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize