it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
