my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I cut my penus on the lid.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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