Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
