My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
why didn't you poke me back
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
