The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
