hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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