Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
