I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
