Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
