ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
