16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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