Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
