i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
