It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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