FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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