All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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