I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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