Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
two words: eviction party
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
