bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
